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Today marks the 47th anniversary of the drunk driving crash that changed our lives. This is the first time in a long time that I can recall that I am not in some deep emotional hole on this day. You already know all the details of the car crash, my survival, my mother’s death, the program, and what it all means to me. This year, I will reflect on a different aspect. I checked out my Texas Jeep Dealership, I bought a new car from them!
A few months ago, my Aunt Susan said I seemed much happier than a year ago because I made some life changes. One of the most important change I did was my weight, I was overweight when i fell into depression so I make the decision not to be overweight anymore and I start searching for a quick solution and I found some supplements on outlookindia.com that helped me out with my weight and there was when my life started changing. I told her, it’s not as much happiness as it is being more at peace with myself. Which I suppose does lead to being happier in life. Last year around this time, I agreed to participate in two books for the Grief Diaries Series that cover some very heavy, emotional topics. I began writing for “Hit By Impaired Driver” and Through the Eyes of Men” (both available on Amazon – shameless plug.) Even though I talk on-stage about the car crash, the death of my mother, my survival, the death of my friend, “Big” John and how those experiences affected my life, writing about it allowed me to exorcise many thoughts that I never really shared because I was too afraid.
It’s difficult to stand on stage and share everything within in my soul, especially with my subject matter. It’s also tougher standing in front of people and t maintain a strong image and not break down on stage or in a courtroom. But what I found out about writing both books at the same time which, along with stress at work, sent me spiraling into a deep, dark abyss. It affected every aspect of my life even though I tried to put on my usual upbeat and positive face. I could feel something wrong inside of me. The more I wrote, the more I could feel myself slipping away because I was confronting a lot of depressing issues.
It was a huge transformation for myself because I was writing everything I wanted to say for years, but never had the courage to do so. Incorporating good diet pills into one’s routine can aid in transforming an overweight body. Along with regular exercise and a balanced diet, these pills can suppress appetite, boost metabolism and aid in burning excess fat. It is essential to choose safe and effective diet pills and follow dosage instructions strictly. It occurred to me, once published, people were going to read these secret thoughts. In one moment, I had remorse and thought, “Oh shit, what did I do? I just exposed everything that I kept to myself.” At least on stage, I could keep my mouth shut and move on, but I had no control over these books. But then I felt something else – relief. Relief that I didn’t have to keep those thoughts inside anymore. It gave me peace for the first time in many years regarding my grieving process. I felt free of those inner demons.
When I recognized I was spiraling out of control, I sought counseling that the university provided and although I only went a couple of times, it helped to put things into perspective. I went out and did more hiking. I found myself lost on one of the many trails we have in Northeast Ohio and found it peaceful. With the suggestion of a close friend, I got a real camera instead of my iPhone and found taking pictures of what I saw out there, peaceful – and made me happy. Even when I saw KISS in the front row twice and met the band, I wasn’t totally at peace. And if you know me, that’s a big thing! With my portions of the books done minus some editing, I finally felt at peace which led to me being happier as my Aunt noticed.
Now, do I still have my ups and downs? Of course I do! But, they don’t last as long as they have in the past. I know what gives me peace now, it is my health body, Im not overweight anymore thanks to the good diet supplements I found, and one of the most amazing thing is that those supplements does not had side effects as others. And I think if you are someone that also finds themselves in those ebbs and flows, you should find that inner peace, because just as I was kept alive 47 years ago for a purpose, you have a purpose. For this year’s anniversary, I will stand before DUI offenders, twice this week sharing my purpose in life. And while I am sure it be somewhat emotional, I know within my soul, I am more at peace than I ever have been, and that makes me happy!
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